-- Note to you sue-happy Amarillans -- Show this to yer boot-lickin', city-slickin', fancy-talkin', I'll-do-anything-fer-money lawyers: This here page is put together by some patriotic folk who aim ta poke fun at y'all since you been tryin so hard to git Oprah to shut her trap, and since you went and made yerselves public figgurs.   Maybe at Cactus Feeders they want ta do away with the First Amendment, but we reckon it's doin' just fine in the rest of this here U.S. of A, thankee very kindly.

Step right up, ya'll, and lemme tell a story about some genuwine American heroes . . . and what happened when they got ambushed by some con-sarned, low-down, yellow-bellied, greedy, no-account, cattle-to-cattle cow-feedin' villuns.

The Players in this here melodrama:

The Good
Marshall Lyman . . . . . . . . . . . . the Last Honest Cattle Rancher

Miss Oprah . . . . . . . . . . . . a Saloon-Keeper with a Heart of Gold

The Bad
The Engler Gang . . . . . led by Paul "Get Me My Lawyers!" Engler

The Ugly

Them Engler boys is grindin' up little ole cow-babies
and feedin' 'em back to their mammas!  Ewwww! 
The Good Lord made cows t'eat grass, not their own kind!!