Back at the ranch...

The Engler Hideout

Meanwhile, at the Engler Hideout down Amarillo way, old man Engler, leader of the Engler gang, was sittin' on his front porch rockin' up a storm as he watched Marshall Lyman tell Miss Oprah the turrble things those cattlemen were doin' with cows.

"What the hail!" shrieked the demented old fart.  He was howlin' louder than an ornery Special Prossycuter in a Presydential Sex Scandal!  "No one's supposed to know we do that!  Next, they'll be sayin' that we given' them cows chicken-guano for chow!  Why those are trade secrets!"

Just then old man Engler's nurse came in fer to wipe his hiney and change his filthy diaper, the foul contents of which were runnin' down his gout-ridden leg like a flash flood in August.  "What're you so riled up about?  Time for yer meddycation already?"

"Slander! Slander!" screamed the crazy old geezer.  His face was redder than a ranchhand's bandanna as he hollered at Miss Oprah's purty face: "You can call my momma a whore, say my wife is a slut, but you tell people you’re gonna stop eating my cow patties -- and I’ll see you in court!"

"Bend over, Mr. Engler.   Ew...!  You been eatin' yer own beef again??  Now you listen to me.   You just calm down.  People might just think you been smokin' loco weed and are plum crazy, iffin' you start tellin' them they can't give their 'pinion on anything they dern well please."

"Shut yer trap, you ignrunt feemale!!  And get me my lawyers!  I'm worth 680 gol-derned million dollars!  And that makes me the law here in Amarillo!   I own this town and every judge and lawyer in it!"

Special note to Mr. "Get-me-my-lawyers" Engler --
Remember: these here pages are what's called a spoof.  That means we can legally make fun of y'all, and if y'all try to sue us, it's called "malishuss prossycution."   (Pay one'a yer boot-lickin, frivolous-lawsuit-filin' lawyers to find out what it means -- though you may be findin' out what it means sooner than you think!)    So in other words, we ain't sayin' that you're an insane old coot or a first-amendment-stomping Hitler in a cowboy hat .  Course, we ain't sayin' that ya ain't, either!  We're only sayin' that that's our "OPINION" of you!